Big Fat Loser

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tuesday's news

Thankfully, there's some end in site to my ultra-busy month of August, along with the determination to get back on track with my weight loss. With no time (or energy) to eat or exercise properly, I've only managed to maintain my weight of late - but at least that's better than putting it on.

If you remember a couple of months ago, I was made redundant from work. And since then I've been enjoying some (planned) time off over the summer. But, with the kids going back to school after their summer holidays soon, I feel it's time that I too found some gainful employment. Luckily, I've found it pretty easy to land a few interviews. Indeed, I had one of them today, and it went really well. I'm just waiting to see if any of them will offer me a job.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 | 2 comments

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Redesign

I'm having a bit of a go at designing my own layout - as opposed to using the pre-defined Blogger layout. It's a bit minimalist at the moment, but I'm sure I'll tweak it as we go along. Do let me know if I've broken anything in the mean time.
Saturday, August 19, 2006 | 0 comments

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Finding the time

If July was the quiet month of the year, then August is certainly shaping up to be the insanely busy month of the year. It's a bit crazy at the moment, and I'm out of the house almost every night of the week, and all weekend, doing different things.

This level of activity is, however, a bit of a challenge when it comes to eating healthily and finding time to exercise. When I only have 20 minutes on an evening to prepare and eat a meal, it does become awfully tempting to pop to the chip shop. And when I'm rushing from appointment to appointment, a taxi journey seems much better than walking when I'm running late.

I suppose, on the food front, I should stock up on some of those ready meals from the supermarket that can be zapped in the microwave in a couple of minutes. But I've never really liked them. I wouldn't say I'm a very good cook, but I do like to prepare meals based on their raw ingredients, rather than just heating up some processed food.

And I suppose my primary method of exercise - walking - requires quite a large commitment of time each day. I've thought about whether I should try taking up running instead, but feel like I need my belly and man-breasts to shrink some more before I try it out, as they still flop about everywhere at the moment. I also think that 19 stone is still really heavy, and I don't want to damage my knees by causing them too much stress.

I've also thought about getting myself a bicycle, but don't really have anywhere to store it between rides.

I guess, come September, things will quieten off again, and I'll be able to invest a bit more time again into proper eating and exercising. And as long as I don't gain any weight in the mean time, that'll be fine.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 | 1 comments

Monday, August 14, 2006

Random thoughts

July this year was a really quiet month. I was away travelling and visiting my family for a couple of weeks, and I hadn't seen many of my friends for quite a while. So it was a shock to some of them to see the weight loss progress I had made.

Thanks to the warmer weather sweeping the country, I had managed to ditch all my old shirts and jumpers, all of which are much too big for me now; opting instead for smaller fitting t-shirts. Which is why, I guess, it was suddenly more apparent to my friends that I had lost quite a lot of weight - some four and a half stones to be exact.

Comparing my old and new clothes the other day, I couldn't believe the difference in size between a 5XL and 2XL t-shirt. Indeed, I still can't believe that I can fit into something so small. Because I guess in my mind I haven't changed shape yet. I still think of myself as a morbidly obese man.

And so I keep trying to remind myself of the evidence... the smaller clothes, the fact that I can almost jog up a flight of stairs now without breaking into a sweat, and the fact that strangers are more willing to sit on the seat next to me on busses and trains.

In fact, a big part of losing weight is to do with other people's attitude towards me. I've always hated the way other people have viewed me. Friends have said that they've never thought about my size, and I believe them. But for every one of those lovely people who says it makes no difference to them, I feel that there are another hundred that are disgusted by my weight.

My difference in size so far has prompted dozens of aquaintences to come up to me and say things like "You look so much better", or "You look more heathly" - which, don't get me wrong, is all lovely to hear. But sometimes I can't help feeling that there's a silent coda to each of their statements that says "because you looked crap before". And I resent them a little bit for not thinking I looked great back when I was 24 stone.

Why is a 19? stone version of me better than a 24 stone version? I'm still the same person. I still have the same sense of humour, the same intelligence, interests, passions, and dreams. But to others, the thinner me is definitely 'better'.
Monday, August 14, 2006 | 0 comments