Big Fat Loser

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Hidden shame

I noticed the other day, as I was drying myself after a shower, that I appear to have developed something that is generally more readily associated with older women. That is, I appear to have developed bingo wings on my upper arms.

As I have lost weight, the chunky solid fat that used to give my arms a more solid appearance has diminished, so that I'm left with loose skin that noticeably sags when I lift my arm up.

Thank goodness I'm a guy, and therefore am not driven by the fashion necessity to wear sleeveless tops during the summer. I can safely cover up the tops of my arms with t-shirts, and hide my bingo wing shame from everyone around me - at least until I can work out some kind of upper-body exercise that will help tone up my arms.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 | 3 comments

Monday, June 19, 2006

The rewards of exercise

A couple of weeks ago, I was bemoaning the fact that my weight-loss had hit a bit of a plateaux. Well, it's firmly back on the downward slope again, partially thanks to an increased exercise regime. I've been training quite hard for the last three weeks, burning off lots of exercise calories. And as a result, I've lost a further five pounds, dropping me below 21 stones.

Every time I manage to lose like this, I get a little bit more excited about what the future holds, and the promise of eventually achieving a 'normal' sized body. It would be wonderful to have an unrestricted choice of clothes to wear, and also wonderful to not be embarrassed taking those clothes off in front of others (within reason, of course).

I just hope that when I finish work with my current employer, that I don't let my exercise regime fall by the way side. At the moment, one of the key ways of ensuring that I do some regular walking is to have it built into my daily routine. So the walk to and from work have been key to me maintaining a 5-miles-a-day average. And so without that, I'll need to be more inventive and disciplined about doing exercise.

Start: 24st 3lbs (339lbs/154kg) - BMI 43.7
Current: 20st 13lb (293lbs/133kg) - BMI 37.8
Target: 14st (196lbs/89kg) - BMI 25.3
Lost so far: 3st 4lbs (46lbs/21kg) - 32% of way to target
Still to go: 6st 13lb (97lbs/44kg)
Monday, June 19, 2006 | 2 comments

Friday, June 16, 2006

Emotional crutch

I received some bad news about my job yesterday. Basically I'm being made redundant, as of next week. Which is quite scary to someone like me, who's never been out of work before.

One of my first thoughts, upon hearing the news, was to throw the diet plan out the window. I thought about going out and getting drunk, and stuffing my face with take-away and sweets. But then I stopped myself.

I thought about my relationship to food and drink, and whether it was healthy to use them as an emotional crutch in times of crisis. Sure, I would really enjoy the eating and drinking, but would binging really solve my problems? Or would I end up regretting it, and feel worse afterwards?

So I decided that, even though I was having a really shitty day, pigging out was not the answer. In fact, taking a pragmatic view, losing weight would be much more important at the moment, particularly as it will be much easier to secure a new job if I am thinner (a sad but true fact of life).
Friday, June 16, 2006 | 3 comments

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Under three hundred

I passed another milestone this morning. I fell below 300 pounds in weight. Okay, so I'm still extemely obese, but it's better to be 300 pounds (or rather, 298) instead of 339 pounds where I started.

I remember seeing a Simpsons episode where Homer deliberately gains weight to get up to 300 pounds, in order to be classified as disabled and have the opportunity to work from home. When his clothes no longer fit him, he takes to wearing a dress-like muumuu. And with all the weight gain, he ends up not being able to dial the phone (his fingers were apparently too fat), and his bed sags quite significantly when he lies down.

Now, of course, I accept that a lot of stuff in the episode was exagerated for comedic effect (it is, after all, a cartoon!). But I would associate the problems Homer encountered with someone much heavier than 300 pounds. After all, I'm that now and I've never had trouble dialing a phone, I've never had to wear a dress, and I've never considered that my weight has made me disabled.

Although I suppose, it I'm honest, I'd have to admit that being fat has stopped me doing some things in life.

Anyway, being over 300 pounds is all behind me now. I've left the three hundreds behind, and by the time this weight-loss thing is over, I hope to have left the two hundreds behind as well. But that's probably going to take at least another year or more.

Start: 24st 3lbs (339lbs/154kg) - BMI 43.7
Current: 21st 4lb (298lbs/135kg) - BMI 38.4
Target: 14st (196lbs/89kg) - BMI 25.3
Lost so far: 2st 13lbs (41lbs/19kg) - 28% of way to target
Still to go: 7st 4lb (102lbs/46kg)
Thursday, June 15, 2006 | 1 comments

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

New clothes

You can certainly tell that I'm getting smaller. Clothes that used to be tight, are now loose. And others that have languished at the back of the wardrobe for years because they didn't even go round me now fit me well, and are back in regular rotation. But a whole load of my favourite items are now much to large. I have a whole load of 4XL and 5XL shirts that look like tents on me, and it's sad that I can't really wear them any more.

I'm resisting the urge to go out and buy lots of new clothes, as I'm hoping that they won't fit me for long, if I continue to slim down. It would be a waste of money to buy lots of things in one particular size, and then have no use for them a couple of months later, so I'm making do at the moment with a just a few basic items. And I'm also keeping an eye on the items that crop up on eBay, and picking up some cheap second hand clothes that will tide me over for a while.

What really highlighted the problem to me, a few days ago, was when I had to find something formal to wear. I'm lucky at work that we have a casual dress code, and so I can wear the same stuff in the office as I do at home. But when it came to this formal occasion, I had to dig out a suit and smart shirt - and found that they were all much too big for me. The suit wasn't too bad, but the collar size of the shirt was much too large. When I did up my tie, it felt like the knot was half way down my chest. Certainly, if I lowered my head, I could easily fit my chin inside the collar.

I told myself, when I started this weight loss thing, that buying myself a new wardrobe would be a pleasure rather than a pain. And in a way it is. I was thrilled back in April to be able to go into a normal high street store for the first time in about 10 years, and get clothes that fitted me. And for stuff that I wear all the time, like jeans and casual shirts, I don't mind renewing them every 6 weeks or so. But when it comes to the occasional items - like formal wear - it's more of a pain having to get things that may only be worn two or three times before they're too big.

But having said all that, I'm much preferring my smaller size, so maybe I should just shut up and deal with the size effects. It just means that I need to plan ahead a little more, to ensure that when formal occasions comes around, I have something suitable to wear that is vaguely the right size.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | 0 comments

Mid-June Update

I haven't posted anything here for a couple of weeks now... partly due to a lack of motivation, and partly because I don't really believe anyone reads this site anyway. After all, why would you?

Anyway, over the last 3 weeks or so, progress on my weight-loss campaign has slowed right down. The first two stones of loss were, relatively speaking, a walk in the park - taking just a month a piece to go. But this third stone isn't shifting itself half as well as the other two. Indeed, in the last six weeks I've only lost about 9 pounds, which is a rate of about a pound and a half a week. And while that still not bad, it's just not as good as before.

I suppose this is something I always knew was coming. After all, at the start of my diet the loss seemed to be far too easy. But now that it has started to get harder, I've also found it more difficult to stay motivated. My long-term determination to lose weight is still there, but I have had the occasional lapse of late, when I've thought to myself: "Well, I won't lose any weight this week anyway, so a small bar of Green & Blacks won't make any difference".

But of course, it does make a difference. And I just need to keep reminding myself of that, every day, for as long as it takes. After all, I'm resigned to the fact that I'm in this for the long-haul. My weight loss plan is not measured in months but years. After all, it took me years to put it on, so it's going to take years to take it off again.

Start: 24st 3lbs (339lbs/154kg) - BMI 43.7
Current: 21st 8lb (302lbs/137kg) - BMI 38.9
Target: 14st (196lbs/89kg) - BMI 25.3
Lost so far: 2st 9lbs (37lbs/17kg) - 26% of way to target
Still to go: 7st 8lb (106lbs/48kg)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | 0 comments